A question the Sage hears often
I see my grandchildren a few times a year, and at every family dinner they sit there with their phones. Their parents don't say anything. I don't want to be the cranky old lady, but it hurts. What can I do?
In short: Don't scold, invite. Talk to the parents beforehand, set up a friendly 'phone basket' with a small prize, give the kids a job at the table, and be the most interesting thing in the room. A lecture loses to a screen every time. Fun wins.
The Sage replies…
It hurts because you miss them
Let's say that first, because it's true. You're not being old-fashioned. You just want to see their faces, not the tops of their heads.
Have a quiet word with the parents first
Not a complaint, a plan. Something like, "I'd love a phone-free dinner this year. Would you back me up?" Kids follow the grown-ups, so if Mom and Dad pocket their phones too, half the battle is won.
Make it a game, not a rule
The phone basket: a pretty basket by the door. Whoever leaves theirs there all through dinner picks first from the dessert table, or wins a toonie. Teenagers will do almost anything for a dare and a treat.
Give them a job: place cards, pouring drinks, carving duty for the oldest, the cracker jokes for the youngest. Busy hands don't scroll.
Bring a conversation jar: slips of paper with questions like "What's the worst food you've ever tasted?" or "What would you do with a million dollars?" Questions about them, not about school.
Then make a deal
After dessert, ask them to show you something on their phone. A funny video, the game they love, how to send you a selfie. You'll be amazed how fast a teenager warms up when they get to be the expert.
The grumpy grandma test
If you hear yourself saying "In my day…", stop. If you hear yourself laughing, you're winning.
With a wink and a twirl,
— The Dancing Sage
Try this
Fill the conversation jar
Write ten fun questions on slips of paper tonight and tuck them in a jar for your next family meal.
A question to take with you: What do I really want my grandchildren to remember about time with me?
Keep reading: How Do I Stop Hosting Every Holiday? · Keeping the Peace With My Daughter-in-Law · Cutting Back on Christmas Gifts
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The Dancing Sage offers friendly, everyday advice, not professional counselling, medical, legal or financial advice. For anything serious, ongoing or urgent, please reach out to a doctor, counsellor or someone you trust. If you or someone else may be in danger, contact local emergency services.