A question the Sage hears often
My youngest moved out last year. For thirty years my life revolved around my children and my job, and now I'm retired and the house is so quiet. I'm not unhappy exactly, but I feel a bit lost. I don't really know what I like any more. Is that strange?
In short: It isn't strange at all; it's one of life's big transitions. Treat the next season as a time of curiosity, not a problem to solve. Try small things, notice what lights you up, and let yourself be a beginner.
The Sage replies…
Of course you feel lost; your map changed
For thirty years, your days were organized around other people's needs. That's not a small thing. It shaped your mornings, your weekends, your thoughts at 2 a.m. When that structure lifts, of course there's a strange quiet. You're not lost; you're between chapters.
Many women spend so long being Mum, wife, colleague and helper that the woman underneath gets put on a back shelf. She's still there, my dear. She's just been waiting for her turn.
Be curious, not productive
You don't need to find your Big New Purpose by Tuesday. Instead, try being curious, like you're getting to know an interesting new friend: you.
What did you love at twelve? What do you linger over in shops or magazines? Whose life do you envy a little? Those are clues, not instructions. Write them down without judging them.
Try small things, often
Sign up for one class, one walk, one workshop, one afternoon of something new. Not to become good at it, but to see how it feels. Some things will fizzle, and that's useful information too. Others will spark, and you'll want more.
And please, be gentle with the grief part. It's alright to miss the noisy kitchen and the full table. You can miss a chapter and still look forward to the next one.
With a wink and a twirl,
— The Dancing Sage
Try this
The "what lights me up" list
Take a notebook and write 20 things you've enjoyed at any point in your life, however small: the smell of oil paint, swimming in a lake, organizing a party, singing in the car. Circle three you could try again this month.
A question to take with you: If nobody needed anything from me this week, what would I do with a free afternoon?
From The Dancing Sage's bookshelf: 30 Days Back to You
A gentle journal for slowing down, reconnecting, and finding your way back to yourself, one small day at a time.
Get the journal on Amazon →Keep reading: Coming Home to Yourself · How to Find Joy Again After 50
Have a question of your own? Ask the Sage →
The Dancing Sage offers friendly, everyday advice, not professional counselling, medical, legal or financial advice. For anything serious, ongoing or urgent, please reach out to a doctor, counsellor or someone you trust. If you or someone else may be in danger, contact local emergency services.