A question the Sage hears often
Yesterday I was at the grocery store with my little girl, she is 2. We were in line and there was a plus-sized lady in front of us. My little girl looked at the lady and then at me and in a very sweet voice said, "Mommy, is that lady having a baby?" I just giggled and said I wasn't sure. Boy, was I red, and the lady glared at me! How could I have handled that better?
— Red Face in the Grocery Store
In short: Toddlers say out loud what they notice. A quick, warm apology to the woman, a calm and simple answer to your daughter, and a gentle lesson later at home is all it takes.
The Sage replies…
Oh, my dear, welcome to the club
Every mother who has ever stood in a grocery line with a two-year-old has a story like this. Mine involved a bald gentleman and the word "egg." Children that age are tiny scientists. They notice everything and have no filter at all. Your daughter wasn't being unkind. She was being two.
Why the moment stung
When we're caught off guard, many of us laugh. It's nerves, not meanness. But to the woman, that giggle and "I'm not sure" may have sounded as if you were agreeing with your daughter. That's likely why she gave you that look. She has probably heard that question before, and it hurts every time.
What to say in the moment
Turn to the woman first, warmly: "I'm so sorry. She's two and still learning." That's enough. You don't need a long explanation.
Then answer your daughter simply and calmly: "We don't talk about people's bodies, sweetheart. Let's count the apples in our cart." A quick change of subject works wonders at that age.
The lesson at home
Later, when you're both relaxed, explain that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and that we keep our questions about other people for a quiet whisper to Mommy, at home. Don't scold her. She'll learn far more from how kind you are than from being told off.
And be kind to yourself. You were caught by surprise, and you did what most of us do. Next time, you'll have the words ready.
With a wink and a twirl,
— The Dancing Sage
Try this
Practise your one-line apology
Choose a short, warm sentence you can say without thinking, such as "I'm so sorry, she's still learning," and say it out loud a few times at home. When the next surprise comes (and with a two-year-old, it will), the words will be there.
A question to take with you: What do I want my daughter to learn from how I respond, not just from what I say?
From The Dancing Sage's bookshelf: Coloring Fun with Magic, Monsters & Machines
100 big and easy pictures of dragons, fairies, pirate fish and flying buses, for kids ages 2 to 10.
Get it on Amazon →Keep reading: Do People Still Send Thank-You Notes? · The Soft Strength of Kindness
Have a question of your own? Ask the Sage →
The Dancing Sage offers friendly, everyday advice, not professional counselling, medical, legal or financial advice. For anything serious, ongoing or urgent, please reach out to a doctor, counsellor or someone you trust. If you or someone else may be in danger, contact local emergency services.