A question the Sage hears often
We moved to a new town a few years ago, and I've realized I don't really have friends here. Everyone seems to have known each other forever. I'm not shy exactly, but I don't know where to start at my age. Is it too late?
In short: It isn't too late. Go somewhere regularly, choose activities where people talk while doing something, and be the one who suggests a coffee. Friendship grows from repetition more than from luck.
The Sage replies…
It's not you; it's the setting
When we were younger, friends came with the package: school, work, children's activities. You saw the same faces week after week, and friendship grew quietly in the background. Later in life, that built-in repetition disappears, and we wrongly decide the problem is us.
So the trick is simple: put the repetition back. Friendship rarely comes from one brilliant evening. It comes from seeing the same people again and again until one day you're saving each other a seat.
Choose things you'll go back to every week
Look for anything that meets regularly: a walking group, a choir, a library book club, a craft or quilting circle, a church or community group, a volunteer shift, a fitness class for women over 50. Activities where your hands are busy and conversation flows easily are best.
Go at least four times before you decide whether it's for you. The first visit is always the most awkward one.
Be the one who asks
Here's the part most people skip. Everyone is waiting for someone else to suggest coffee. Be that someone. "I always enjoy chatting with you. Would you like to grab a coffee after this next week?" Most people will be delighted to be asked.
And don't overlook the woman who is also standing by herself at the edge of the room. She's probably hoping you'll say hello.
With a wink and a twirl,
— The Dancing Sage
Try this
Find one group this week
Look at your local library, community centre or community Facebook page and find one activity that meets regularly. Put the next date on your calendar.
A question to take with you: What did I love doing with other people when I was younger?
From The Dancing Sage's bookshelf: Simple Joys Colouring Book
40 relaxing illustrations for quiet moments, or a colouring afternoon with new friends.
Get it on Amazon.ca →Keep reading: Colouring & Tea with Friends · How to Find Joy Again After 50
Have a question of your own? Ask the Sage →
The Dancing Sage offers friendly, everyday advice, not professional counselling, medical, legal or financial advice. For anything serious, ongoing or urgent, please reach out to a doctor, counsellor or someone you trust. If you or someone else may be in danger, contact local emergency services.