Making Friends After 50

So, you've moved, started a new job, or changed your life in some way. Once things settle down, you get that slightly weird feeling: “Well, here I am. And I don't really know anyone.”

You might be a social person. You might have lovely friends somewhere else. Perhaps your friendships were tied to a relationship that has ended, and now you're finding your own way again.

How do you start making friends when you're over 50?

Well, I have to tell you, it isn't always easy. But it doesn't have to be quite as hard as we imagine, either.

For me, it started with getting out of the house, and getting to know myself again.

What Do I Actually Enjoy These Days?

I mean that sincerely. We spend so much of our lives being someone's partner, parent, employee, or the person who gets everything done that we sometimes forget to ask: “What do I actually enjoy these days?”

Understanding that gives you somewhere to begin.

Maybe your inner voice says:

• I like walking in nature.

• I love spending time with my pet.

• I enjoy a yoga class.

• I really do like going out for coffee.

It doesn't have to be a grand list. Nobody is asking you to take up mountain climbing unless that happens to be your thing. Coffee counts.

Write your little list down. For me, putting it on paper made it feel like something I might actually do.

Then Comes the Uncomfortable Part: Showing Up

One thing I started doing as a woman over 50 was visiting a seniors' home and having tea with some of the residents. Many had families who lived far away, and they were happy to sit and chat.

Getting to know them over a weekly cup of tea became something I looked forward to. It was good for both our souls.

Five Women and a Book

I also joined a small local book club I found advertised on Facebook. We met once a month, which felt like a commitment I could manage.

There were only five of us. We first met at a coffee shop, chose our books, and took it from there. Suddenly, I had something to read, somewhere to go, and people to discuss it with.

Five women and a book. A perfectly good beginning.

Line Dancing, Badly

Another rather unexpected thing I did was join a local line dancing group.

Now, let me be clear: I am not particularly good at this.

But while I was learning which direction my feet were supposed to go, I found out about seniors' dances held twice a month on Saturday evenings, from eight until midnight. You could even go early for supper.

Well, that sounded like a proper night out!

I learned a few dances, met some of the women from the group, and started going along with them. What began as trying something unfamiliar became a lovely part of my social life.

It Began With What I Like Now

Gradually, I became a little more outgoing. My days started filling with things I enjoyed and people I looked forward to seeing.

It all began with taking the time to ask what I liked now.

At 23, my answer might have been quite different. That's allowed. We change. Our interests can change with us.

I'm less uncomfortable meeting new people these days. Each time I do, I get a little glimpse into someone else's unique world. There's usually something interesting there if I give myself time to listen.

Stay Curious, and Give It a Little Room

That means trying to stay curious, too. It's easy to decide too quickly that someone isn't our kind of person, or to talk ourselves out of going somewhere before we've even put our shoes on.

You won't connect with everyone, and every outing won't lead to a friendship. Give yourself, and other people, a little room.

Start with one thing from your list. Go along, say hello, and give yourself a chance to become a familiar face.

And if you happen to turn the wrong way during a line dance, you might find someone else facing the wrong direction, too.

There's your first conversation.

— The Dancing Sage